On hard lessons and big blessings that came from growing up as a pastor’s kid

I’ve recently seen many young people entering Bible school with a burning desire to serve God and love the Church. And I’ve asked myself: what madness has possessed them? To which I can only answer: the same madness that has possessed me. It took a hold of me early in life, since I practically lived in church where my dad pastored. It grew when I discovered a love for teaching the Bible. It practically took over when God confirmed my calling at the age of fourteen during a leaders’ conference.

And so I did what I see many do: I went to Bible school! But I did it online while living in my hometown, serving my local church, and getting a front row seat to ministry life and the beauty and dysfunction behind the scenes. I still show up every Sunday, serve, and even spend hours pouring into online Bible school students during the week. I can confidently say that I have 23 years of ministry experience. (Yes, I’m counting my childhood taking naps in my dad’s office as ministry experience.)

In those 23 years, I’ve seen things; the good, the bad, the hope, and beauty. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned as a ministry kid and as a church volunteer. Because while there are many hard lessons, there is also proof of God’s faithfulness through it all. If you’re dreaming of going into ministry, or if you already are in ministry, then I pray this encourages you.

Three Hard Lessons

It’s true that the most difficult things in life are what make us better and equip us. With this in mind, I will begin with three hard (but valuable) lessons I’ve learned over the years. 

There Will Be Misplaced Expectations

One of the most common things I have seen in churches is misplaced expectations of leaders. As someone who lives in the pastor’s house (hey dad!), I get an insider’s perspective. I have heard people ask my dad for prayer, saying things like “since you’re closer to God.” I have seen people with marital problems call my parents at unearthly hours because they desperately need counseling.

I believe prayer and counseling are part of a pastor’s responsibility, but to a certain extent. Where I grow concerned is when people take leaders and expect them to be God in their lives. They expect their leader or pastor to replace the voice of the Holy Spirit and be the one that spoon-feeds them their spiritual nourishment.

I believe pastors should feed the sheep, care for them, counsel them, pray for them, and support them in their spiritual journey. This is biblical. But we can’t make disciples who are co-dependent on us as leaders. We need to teach people to pray, to ask God for guidance, and to read the Word on their own. Responsibility goes both ways. And pastors are just as human as any other church member. We can’t be Jesus to people, but we can point them to Him.

You’ll Have to Learn to Forgive Often

Another hard lesson I have learned is the importance of learning to forgive others and never hold on tightly to things. Unfortunately, I have seen many leaders compete against each other instead of partnering together, all out of insecurity, jealousy, or a need for approval. I have seen church members refuse to extend forgiveness, thus causing conflict, tension, and pain in churches. I’ve seen people leave one church after another because they won’t put in the work of remaining through a conflict.

But here’s the thing: church was meant to be a family. And healthy families stick together through thick and thin. Healthy families learn to deal with conflict and resolve it. Healthy families celebrate each other’s strengths and find a way to cover each other’s weaknesses. As long as we are imperfect humans, we will never be able to have perfect churches. But through the power of the Holy Spirit, I believe that healthy churches are possible. As ministers, we have to learn to let go of jealousy and learn to forgive quickly. Every church struggles. But let’s make each other stronger through our struggles and not weaker.

You’ll Have to Realize Effort Doesn’t Equal Worth

The third thing I have seen in many churches is the tendency to mistake effort for ministry. And I am guilty of doing this myself. There is a belief in the world that if we do more, then we are more successful. If we have more programs, events, conferences, Bible studies, worship nights, prayer meetings, evangelistic campaigns… then we’ll be truly successful in ministry.

But performance was never the way forward. Yes, all these things can be good. But when we focus on performance, we miss that God’s heart is found through surrender. We are saved by grace, not by works.

We need to create places where people encounter God and are encouraged by other believers. But if our focus becomes how much we can perform, then we will miss that God is seeking after genuine hearts and not just external effort.

The Beauty

I’ve never left the church. I was pretty much born in it. I have seen the dark side of ministry firsthand, and yet, I’m still here. Because underneath all the flaws, there is so much beauty to be found. I’m not getting divorced from the church because I have fallen deeply in love with Jesus, the lover of the church. I have been incredibly blessed by it and by my life as a pastor’s kid.

I want to share three things I’m incredibly grateful for.

Deep Knowledge of Scripture

I grew up listening to my dad preach every Sunday, and sometimes during the week. I grew up visiting other churches where I heard more sermons. I went to kids church, I read my Bible at home, and I had to memorize Bible verses for school. Eventually I began teaching Bible stories to my friends while we waited for our parents to finish their Bible school classes.

This is one of the biggest gifts I have been given. I love the Bible. And through it, I have come to love the Lord more deeply. Now, when people ask me questions, I am confident in what to say because of the continuous exposure to the Word. I don’t think I would have learned so much if it hadn’t been for my life in ministry.

Grace For Imperfect People

Time and time again, I wonder why I still want to serve in church. After all, I’ve been hurt, I’ve had people gossip about me and my family, and I’ve been offended. But then I remember that Jesus died for imperfect people. That is the foundation of the Gospel we preach. And if He did that, how could I offer less?

I’ve learned to forgive even when it’s hard. I have learned to let offense fade away and to love people even when I’d rather not. This is something that carries value into every area of my life, and I am so grateful for my church and my imperfectly beautiful community. It hasn’t always been easy to keep showing up, but I have learned what Jesus’s unconditional love looks like.

A Taste of Genuine, Healthy Community

While in ministry school, I got a glimpse of what the church can look like. I connected deeply with people through Zoom. I experienced wild and radical worship, I saw a new side of intercession, and I found that community like we see in the Bible is actually possible.

This made me wonder: what if this is possible in my local church? What if I could replicate it? What if the community I experienced in school could become the norm in every church? That is what we are called to do. Jesus gave us a mandate to go and make disciples, and it is possible.

This glimpse of genuine community is what fuels my hope for the church. It’s also what makes ministry so hard when things don’t quite measure up. But God has called us to pour into the church just as He constantly does. How could we do any less?

A Final Thought

And so, dear reader. If you are already in ministry, or if you are about to enter into ministry, go! Go with passion, with enthusiasm, and with your eyes wide open. You will be challenged, but you will also be blessed by loving what God loves.

To those entering ministry, you will encounter brokenness in every church. You will encounter conflict and challenge. But the world needs more people who will love the church just as He loves it: unconditionally and without reserve. Learn to build healthy community. Learn to set boundaries. Don’t measure your success by how much you can perform in order to win God’s approval or the approval of others.

And to all my fellow people who grew up in the church, you’re allowed to see it clearly and still love it. Let us determine in our hearts not to become critics of the church, but advocates who invest in it and call it higher out of a place of love. May we learn to love as He loved us.

Thanks for reading!
Anna

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Picture taken by Dad after a long day.